


Should Ever My Eyes Glow Gold

by Prototype_002_Misuo_Kaion



Series: The Sith Glow AU [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Basically Obi-Wan goes through way more pain than necessary, Canonical Character Death, F/M, M/M, Spoilers, a grand idea I had at some point, fic follows the prequels closely at some times, hope this turns out alright, sort of a fix it fic, the oc's aren't very important
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 02:15:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7871830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prototype_002_Misuo_Kaion/pseuds/Prototype_002_Misuo_Kaion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I promise, my love, that my eyes shall shine bright.<br/>And never shall I stray from the path of the light.<br/>But should ever my eyes glow gold, do not fret.<br/>It is simply because I'm avenging your death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prequel: Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Oh god, this is some epic saga I suddenly came up with at some point, and I'm finally writing it all down after like a year of thinking about it. I'm gunna try and follow the Prequel movies for half the time, but the rest of it is planned to be Obi-Wan specific so we'll see how this crazy long Sith au turns out!
> 
> Also, super huge hugs, kisses, and thank you's to my friend Kyberpunk! Without you Erin, I wouldn't have someone to beta read this garbage or support/pressure me into finally writing/publishing it!

As a youngling, I did everything in my power to make sure that I was the ideal padawan. I visualized my life as following a linear path; padawan to knight, knight to master, master to council member, until eventually passing into the force. This path was my ultimate goal, and I worked towards it daily. I just couldn't imagine why I had been rejected by Master Jinn. I had dueled with my rival fiercely to gain his attentions, and yet he had still rejected me. Striving to be the perfect student, I went above and beyond to guarantee that I was the definition of a good padawan, so where had I gone wrong? What mistakes had I made? At the time, I couldn't see that while a Jedi's life is linear on paper, there are many factors that can influence a person and their behavior.

Once I was taken on as a padawan, Master Jinn confessed to me that he assumed that I would be too dangerous to take on as a padawan. He then clarified that he changed his mind when I helped him complete a mission shortly after my rejection, and he saw my true potential. It was simply a case of misjudgment of character, but one that would strain our early relationship. Because of this early tension, I strove for perfection ceaselessly. While Master Jinn had assured me that I was not at complete fault, I had no desire to give him any more doubt of my abilities. I enjoyed being Qui-Gon's padawan, despite my anxieties, and yet in those early years I couldn't quite grasp how complex a being's life could be. However, like all things really, it became clearer as I grew older. I learned things in more depth than before, and my view of a linear life began to warp slightly. I learned to appreciate my individual interests without feeling guilty, and I learned to enjoy the company of friends despite our fleeting time together. But most importantly, I learned to love.

Love, I learned, was actually a very complex little word with a huge depth of meaning. While only one syllable and four letters long, the word love could be taken a million different ways. If one tried to define and label every type of love in the galaxy, they'd spend a lifetime in vain. Every creature is born with the capacity to love, though they do not understand how deep a meaning it holds. With these beliefs came a whole new kind of lesson, one that although my master could help me learn, it was something I mostly had to figure out on my own.   
That's where I would get frustrated sometimes, because though some types of love are easy and come naturally, others do not.

A love of nature and natural beauty was always easy for me, though I suspect Qui-Gon and his connection to the living force had some influence in that field. Familial love and platonic love for friends was also very natural, though my family was really just Qui-Gon and maybe Master Windu. But romantic love was tricky, though I'm told everyone has trouble with that kind. During my years as a younger padawan, these types of love and the objects of that love made sense logically. A padawan is going to love their master in some way, it's inevitable since a padawan and their master are constantly at each other's sides for a majority of the padawan's life.

However as I grew older, romantic love became more and more confusing. I admit that during those older years, I was a little less than subtle at hiding my attention. I was going through what Master Yoda called the experimental phase. It's the point in a padawan's life when they decide to pursue other interests and activities that are more, shall I say, risqué. My time was suddenly spent trying out different relationships and giving special attention to a select few friends, all in an attempt to discover where my romantic interests truly lay. I cannot deny the fact that I enjoyed many of my liaisons, but something was always missing.

I had at some point in time assumed that Qui-Gon was annoyed at my odd comings and goings, but when I asked him about it, he simply smiled softly. He admitted he was glad that I was spending my free time somewhere other than our quarters. This sparked a curiosity and a long conversation about my personal opinions on romantic love, was I simply interested in casual encounters or was I seeking something deeper? I remember the conversation well, most likely because I took so much away from it. We agreed on the usual signs of a romantic attraction; usually manifesting as a quickening pulse, a small sense of anxiety or nervousness, and the overwhelming joy or sense of peace around the one who held your attentions.

That conversation drastically changed my habits and way of thinking. I continued my nighttime activities for awhile, but they lessened until eventually I solely spent my time in our shared quarters. I realized quickly that none of my partners made me feel the way I truly desired. Admittedly, the Jedi Code says that Jedi aren't supposed to form attachments, but there are loopholes in any code or law. Bonded pairs are a common example of a loophole; Jedi shouldn't form attachments, but if the force has made an attachment anyway then there's not much you can do about that. So I knew that if I found the right person, I would be able to continue my duties to the force as a Jedi. It's all I ever wanted really, someone to love and be loved in return, someone that I could be with and still do my duty to the force without conflict.

I found that person sooner than expected, though I didn't realize it right away. As I said, it was inevitable that I should develop a crush on my master-all padawans do. That closeness is easily mistaken for infatuation, especially at a time when one's hormones are not very stable, but it is usually forgotten after a short period of time. I was no exception to this, nor was Qui-Gon, and the first time I approached him about my feelings at nearly fourteen years of age, he explained that it was nothing serious. Sure enough, within a few days I had moved on to pursuing my close friends Garen, Bant, and Reeft. However, I wound up approaching Qui-Gon about my feelings for him several times throughout my apprenticeship. Each time I would tell him about it, he would become more and more adamant that I was simply dealing with an insignificant crush and I should just forget about it. I would always try to, and it seemed easy in the beginning because I had plenty other options to pursue, but once I stopped my nocturnal adventures on the lower levels of Coruscant I realized that I just couldn't.

Without even realizing it, Qui-Gon Jinn had become my whole world. I spent every moment I could with him, content to simply sit and talk about nothing in particular. My heart would skip beats sometimes when he smiled, my soul filled with overwhelming joy when he would laugh at my antics, I would sometimes find myself forgetting how to breathe if I happened to glance over at him when he was meditating. Around him I felt a way I never had before, and my mind was consumed with how much I loved him. I wanted to scream in frustration because I loved him so much, yet he continued to deny the validity of my feelings! I attempted everything I could to convince Qui-Gon that my feelings rang true, but he was very adamant about it being a minor crush that would fade with time. After awhile I began to lose hope, perhaps I was fated to love someone who would forever be unable to return the sentiment. But during the first year of being a senior padawan, I saw some much needed progress.

Ever since my first days under Qui-Gon's wing, he had an odd habit of tugging on my padawan braid. It was something he did when particularly proud of me, and conveyed his deep affection for me. I was always fond of this habit and tried to do exceptionally well on things in the hopes of getting a tug. As I grew older, it happened less frequently, but I relished the times he still held my braid and gave a slight tug. I noticed that every time it happened, Qui-Gon would reveal more emotion than his usual aloofness. He had another habit of hiding how deeply his emotions were felt, partially due to the Code but mostly due to his preference of keeping small secrets about himself. This habit frustrated me often because while I respected his privacy, I often wished I knew just how much he cared for me. One day I was analyzing this particularly annoying habit and came to the conclusion that if I wanted to see his true feelings, I would need to find more excuses for him to pull my braid.

My discovery sparked a new energy in me and renewed my quest to convince Qui-Gon that my feelings for him were genuine. If I discovered that his feelings were not as deep as mine, I would abandon my efforts in trying to convince him otherwise. I respected Qui-Gon too much to force his hand in anything. That being said, if he did feel the same way I would make sure he stopped denying my feelings for him. A simple plan really, why hadn't I thought of it sooner? But the problem was getting him to actually tug my braid so I could search his feelings. As I said, the older I got, the less he would allow himself the sentiment.

I spent the next year or so doing anything and everything I thought would make Qui-Gon proud enough to give my braid an affectionate tug, but no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn't take the bait! And while I was trying to get his attentions, he was trying to get me out of our quarters. He kept telling me I should get out more and how I shouldn't spend so much time with a crusty old man like himself, unless I wanted to end up a crusty old man too. I would always laugh and reassure him that he was hardly old and ended up being stubborn and staying in the rest of the night. But I never minded, I enjoyed those nights tremendously. And I realized during one of those nights that it didn't matter if Qui-Gon loved me romantically or not, as long as I could be near him I was happy. Fortunately, the Force had a much better idea.


	2. Prequel: Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part has been done as long as the first part, but it was never beta read and honestly I'm just tired of it sitting there, staring at me. So all mistakes are my own, and sorry if it sucks, but enjoy!
> 
> **Important note**  
>  // indicates telepathic communication, because italics don't always work.

It was one of those nights Qui-Gon had tried to get me to leave and I had stubbornly refused. We ended up having a very pleasant evening together, taking a walk through the temple gardens, enjoying a meal together, and talking about nothing in particular. Some point later in the night we found ourselves tucked into the couch watching a holovid. Qui-Gon was lounging upright on one end with me leaning against him, my head resting comfortably on his shoulder and my legs stretched out to the side taking up the rest of the couch. It reminded me of when I was younger, tucked against his side as he told me a story to help me sleep at night. The movie ended while I was still reminiscing, and I muttered a comment about enjoying every moment of our time together. Obviously he heard this and when he chuckled, I could hear it rumbling through his chest like a comforting roll of thunder. I was content to just stay like that the rest of the night, curled up in my master's warm company, but I knew Qui-Gon was probably tired and ready to retire for the night. Reluctantly, I began to get up, only to have an arm around my waist pull me back down to the couch and against Qui-Gon's chest. I grinned despite my confusion, and allowed him to sigh happily as he rested his head on top of mine. 

I can remember that night as clearly as if it only happened a few moments ago, and I can easily recite the conversation word for word. We sat in comfortable silence for a while, before I finally shifted so I could look at his face while speaking to him.

"Master?" I had tentatively asked, and got a questioning hum in response.  
"Why is it you claim to enjoy my company but then turn around and try to force me to leave? Do you truly despise me so much?" I asked this with a small smile, teasing him as well as being serious.

Qui-Gon opened his eyes then and fixed me with a serious stare.  
"Do not ever assume that I despise you, if I have ever given that impression I apologize sincerely for I have only ever had your best interests in mind."

"Master, I have never gotten that impression from you! Which, is why I feel I must ask why you seem to be so contradictory of late. You do enjoy my company, right?" I shifted so I was almost in his lap, facing him directly.

"Obi-Wan, of course I enjoy your company!" The incredulous look he gave me almost made me regret my question, almost.

"Then why do you continue to insist that I spend my time anywhere but here, with you?" I tried not to raise my voice, but the frustration that I had been holding in seemed to come out anyway. I couldn't help it, I was genuinely upset that Qui-Gon was always trying to push me away without an explanation. I needed these answers, and I only regretted spoiling the tranquil moment a little.

"As much as we enjoy each other's company, you should be spending your time out with friends. You have spent most of your life at my side and I think it best for you if all your free time wasn't being eaten up by an old man such as myself." Qui-Gon's answer was accompanied by such a serious look that I was instantly more confused. 

"Master, you're hardly old!" I couldn't help but laugh in disbelief at his statement, it just seemed so ridiculous! He didn't honestly think of himself as too old for me, did he?

"Obi-Wan-" A warning tone creeped into his voice, and I stopped smiling. He was serious, very serious.

/You mean this whole time you thought you were too old for me? But that's ridiculous!/ "That's like saying Master Yoda is too old to teach the younglings, which is also completely absurd." I frowned and crossed my arms to emphasize just how ridiculous this all sounded to me.

/Obi-Wan, I am thirty five years your senior-/

/So?/  
My thought was accompanied by an indignant snort.

/So, you shouldn't waste your youth on pursuing the company of someone who you are almost guaranteed to lose interest in-/

/Are we seriously having this conversation right now? /  
"Also, this definitely sounds like a lame excuse to hide the fact that you care about me." I smirked and sent a wave of smug affection over our bond to prove my, albeit playful, point.

"Of course I care about you, Obi-Wan. That's what started all of this in the first place, after all." His voice had softened and his eyes shone with a deep emotion I couldn't quite place. Then he gave a small, wistful smile and brushed his fingers against the braid I had tucked behind my ear. 

"Well maybe next time just talk to me about it?" I felt like I was holding my breath as I relaxed my posture and softened my voice, feeling my heartbeat quicken at his light touch. 

"I apologize deeply for the frustration and confusion I have caused you Padawan. And you're right, I should have simply spoken to you about it." Qui-Gon was speaking, but I found it difficult to focus on his words. He was examining my braid while barely running his fingers over it, distracting me from most rational thought.  
/Can you forgive me, my own?/

/Always./  
I responded immediately,without thinking, without hesitating. Of course I could forgive him, how could I not?

He smiled wistfully again, and responded with a tender tug on my braid that had my heart stopping mid-beat and my brain spinning a million miles an hour. There was such a strong swelling of emotions coming from both ends of our bond that I was certain anyone could feel them just by being in the room with us, and I couldn't tell where my emotions stopped and his started.

This was what I had been trying to get to happen for months, and now that it was happening I found myself overwhelmed with the strength of Qui-Gon's love for me.   
I could never have imagined he hid his feelings as deeply as I had, deeper even, and now that I was feeling just a small taste of that I couldn't help myself. Before my rational thinking could catch up with me, I leaned in to press a shy kiss against Qui-Gon's lips. To my pleasant surprise, Qui-Gon kissed back! His was a firmer, more confident kiss than mine at first, but I quickly grew more bold. I loosely wrapped my arms around Qui-Gon's neck to try and deepen the kiss, while at the same time he pulled me further into his lap so I was fully facing him, straddling his legs.

The kiss really only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like so many eternities to me. When we finally pulled apart I was way too happy to be embarrassed at my bold venture, and simply rest my forehead against his.

/I love you so much, Master./

/I love you too, my Obi-Wan./

His response caused a huge grin to spread across my face and, feeling euphoric, I leaned back in for another precious kiss.  
Finally, I would be able to be with the one I loved. There would be a few more obstacles, sure, but this was a big step towards a bright and loved filled future.  
I knew for sure, from somewhere deep within my heart, that things could only get better from here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks goes to my buddy Eric for poking me until I posted this chapter, thanks man.

**Author's Note:**

> Dear god this is already longer than I originally planned, and I'm having trouble sticking to a schedule but hey, hopefully someone enjoyed this.
> 
> And go check out Erin's stuff because she's hella rad and I love her.  
> (http://archiveofourown.org/users/kyberpunk/pseuds/kyberpunk)


End file.
